traditions

I wouldn't say that I'm someone who holds to a ton of traditions. But the more I contemplate it, the more fond traditions I seem to recall. One such tradition is traveling to Fargo for Thanksgiving. This is likely my eighth year in Fargo.

And for the last two years, my nieces have been enamored with the parade. Thus, in the grand tradition of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, Katrina Joanne and Georgia Grace created their own float.
Here are a few pictures of their festivities.

(They are wearing flower girl dresses from a wedding of their neighbor friend Leah from the summer of 2005)...and just to allow comparisions from the photos of 2005, here's a similar picture from a year ago.


I'm not sure if you significant differences are that visible, really, because they are beautiful girls, no matter what year it is!!

Thanks for giving...

An incredibly full and abundant life:

-for life, and the ability to play and live in the freedom of God's love
-for Jesus, for choosing to leave heaven, embrace human life, endure horrific death, and for overcoming death to usher us in to life

-for family who love Jesus and encourage me to do the same; for parents, sisters, brothers in law, nephews, nieces, and family yet to come

-for the imagination to create Thanksgiving day floats with nieces year after year (stayed tuned for forthcoming 2006 pix)
-for friends who welcome me into their homes, families, lives, and inspire me to follow after God with all my heart
-for freedom to post my love for Jesus and love for family and friends without fear

-for the tradition of eating turkey and all the fixings...we want for nothing
-for the opportunity to serve Jesus in a church and at a job in a way that partners with His kingdom plans
-for the privilege of hearing God's voice and being assured that we are His beloved children
-for the continual reminder that we can trust God for His best
Want to add anything to this not even slightly exhaustive list??

prophet, priest and king

do you know these roles? they're actually something that my particular denomination holds to as a deep part of our identity and heritage.
however, when it comes to truly understanding these toles, i'm not sure we really get it. it's challenging to understand things about God which require faith and trust in something mysterious and not quickly (linearly) plotted on a flow chart.
And i can't blame some of the hesitation and skepticism, really. We've experienced a few folks in this century who have sensationalized the prophet role, especially, in such a way that I am skeptical and hesitant.

But I'm curious, and I want to hear from God.
So I keep pressing in to scripture and pressing in to what I know.
I've heard from God in a variety of ways, lately. Consistently thru scripture, but also in a number of other ways. The unity of teaching on hearing God's voice points me to test these "words" in a variety of ways.
1-all words must be about the glorification of God. (Ask, does this "prophecy" glorify God?)
2-all words must agree with God's word
3-test it by asking others to witness to it
4-watch for the fruit (although this one may take awhile)

so i continue on the journey...praying, listening, hearing, and testing the word...
It IS mysterious. But it's also very exciting.

generosity

So i'm still reflecting about my Bowen island experience. Here's something else we experienced and observed. In the cozy pub (Doc Morgans) that provided us a lite lunch (in the fire, candle, and kerosene lantern light), as far as I know, they were the only establishment open to serve the public.
They had some type of kitchen generator (or some such thing) that allowed them to cook.. When we walked in (a group of about 20 or so), the wait person sighed loudly and deeply and muttered something akin to, "i'm not sure how much I can handle," and proceeded to say, "We only have some soup and a few sandwiches. Sit anywhere you find open..." So we did.
And their soup and other offerings were fantastic. Really excellent. (Although, they apologized for serving them with plastic spoons as they couldn't run their dishwasher...)

But anyway, the thing is, we sat there for a time experiencing the local flavor, and as we did, we observed a group of men, perhaps construction workers, or some such trade, enter the pub. They scanned the room for a place to sit, and upon finding only empty tables with dirty dishes waiting for them, they bused their own table. After clearing the dishes, they even asked for a rag and wiped it off. It was really great to watch. (A little humorous, too, b/c another group of guys walked in to sit down at this newly cleaned table. To which they were quickly informed, "hey, we cleaned this for ourselves." )

Still, it was good. And the busy waitress described above, well, we know SHE appreciated it.
I'm a fan of people on Bowen Island. Can u tell?

island life

Truthfully, I'm not sure how to describe my last few days. I've been on retreat, again (we repeated the retreat we hosted 2 weeks ago), only this time we were on Bowen Island, British Columbia. Which hopefully you can see on this cool little map.

First learning: Things will be different!!
Even though I laid down expectation that because this was a new group at a new location that it would be a different experience, I still wasn't prepared. The atmosphere differed. The spiritual intensity differed. The discussion and conversations differed. The worship and prayer time differed.

Second learning: Different doesn't equal bad.
Despite the differences, we know the value of each person who sacrificed time in their work and family life to participate in this retreat. And we were blessed by each other. Greatly.

Third: Retreats without electricity rule!
That is, to the person who wakes up on the final morning of the retreat, pondering how we all have to rush to catch the 12:30 ferry off the island, and wishes we could stay and relax for one more day. Ha! That's me, of course, and so when the storm was really wild (HUGE crashing waves!!!) and the electricity kept flashing and finally gave out, AND then, the report came that the ferry was NOT running, naturally, I was elated. Sure I had a plane to catch...in Seattle. But this was adventure!!!

Fourth: Retreat after the retreat.
That's the beauty of what happened. Not that we packed the "formal" retreat schedule. But waiting for word on ferry service in a local pub interupted by brash, yet helpful updates from the wait staff while sitting in candle, fire, and kerosene lantern light as the winds howled and waves crashed off the shore, well, it was restful, and unscheduled, and delightful.

Fifth: Breathe in the beauty of island life.
When the latest word that we would get off the island arrived and we waited expectantly in our lineup of cars only to hear yet another delay report, we received another snapshot of island life and culture. A young coffee shop owner knocked on all our car windows to invite us to their wee shop for free tea and free sandwiches. As we approached (snug cafe), we noted that the shop was lit up because an electric truck, waiting in line for the ferry, was spotlighting the shop with their big ol lights. How cool is that?! As we go inside, they hand us tea. They offer us free sandwiches. Then they break out the cookies. Plus they adamently refuse a tip or a payment, AND apologize to us for the blackout? It was some outrageous hospitality.

I love that. I wish we experienced it all the time. Wouldn't our world be cooler if such experiences didn't happen only in crisis or chaos or emergency? Or would that make them less novel? Somehow, I hope against that. Wouldn't it be amazing if we channeled our competitive drive into "out doing" people around us in generous hospitality? Our opening conversation instead of the weather might be, "hey, did you hear what so and so did for..." or some such report??

I've heard of this man, actually, whose life and experiences provoked such responses and reports. And the more I hear about him, the more I want to be like him. Hmmm...it shouldn't necessitate living an island life. But it couldn't hurt.

send your rain

Just a few years ago (I'm in denial about the actual number), I moved to Michigan. I learned about seasonal affective disorder [(SAD) refers to a mood disorder in which a person has depression that worsens in the fall and winter, when the amount of sunlight per day lessens]. I recall newspaper headlines claiming "Record 15 days without measurable sunshine..." and other such reports. Just the fact that they record and report the days without sun made me a bit depressed. I wanted to deny the existence of such a disorder, but, somewhere along the road, I've observed that I AM affected by the sunshine or lack there of.

Related to that, often, is precipitation levels and types. Although I don't have the statistics on hand, I've been told that West Michigan has as many grey days as my home Seattle, without the reputation of being a rainy area. I've also heard that W Michigan actually receives MORE rain than Seattle, certainly in inches and accumulation b/c the rain in Seattle resembles a mist, where W Michigan is often a downpour.


So I'm en route to my childhood home in Seattle. And they've had more rainfall then in 15 years my own very Mom reports. And it's the type of significant soaking such that areas are at risk for flooding and other damage.

Hmmm, somehow, when I cry out for God to send rain this is not the image that I've pictured.
Still, I'm longing for deep, saturating renewal and revival personally, for our churches, for our nation, and for our world. So I'll persist in calling out: "Send your rain..."

mercy and grace

In what feels like eons ago, I was deeply and profoundly influenced in the area of prayer ministry by a seemingly haphazard path. The journey intensified when I started serving my church as director of small groups and prayer ministry but had no real job description. (Perhaps that seems ideal, but it is rather challenging, too, in creating something.) A "random" flyer landed in the mail box at my then church, advertising a prayer conference. Upon receiving approval from my pastor (and supervisor), I registered, booked the flight and went.

That conference lands in the category of significant life events. My faith and understanding of prayer became provoked and encouraged by the ideas of speakers and facilitators. My hunger for God and belief in His power also grew. I'm eternally grateful.

I returned to that church in previous years for other prayer conferences. I encouraged others to experience a similar journey. The church, worship leader, and pastor developed as role models in my life and ministry experiences.

Three years ago, I visited that church for the last time (only b/c I haven't had opportunity to return), and also met with the senior pastor. He had written a book on small group ministry which I had devoured and a few of us were given time in his busy schedule to meet in his office, pick his brain and chat. He was down to earth and friendly, shorter than I expected, but very hospitable, full of energy and charisma. We took pictures and the memory is etched in my mind.

Perhaps you can guess that the pastor is Ted Haggard. News of his "scandal" devastated my spirit. I am sad.

But I also am compelled to cry for mercy. Part of me laments the devastation of a "fallen" Christian role model. Part of me laments that we place persons on such pedestals in the first place. Part of me fears the impact on young believers or the sometimes vicious skeptics.

But mostly, I wonder, how do we live in the mercy and grace of God? David, a man after God's own heart, seriously deviated from obedience to His God. I certainly grieve God and the Holy Spirit daily. How do we overcome the enemy and still confront sin in our lives? What should our posture be?

I'm at the place of knowing only a few things, that you oh God are strong and that you oh God are loving. I pray that Ted, his family, their church, and all of us, find our rest and strength in a merciful, gracious God.

messenger

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird--
equal seekers of sweetness.

Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.


The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleep dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever.

-Mary Oliver in Thirst

return s l o w l y

These words hang on a pole along the driveway of a retreat center in Three Rivers, Michigan. A final reminder begging notice as you depart a retreat experience to reenter the regular rhythms and routines of life.

It's curious how participating in a retreat demands an information and activity detox. Somewhat like vacation, perhaps, the diversity of activity allows one to let go of some work worries and responsibilities. But even on vacation, there's a process, an excavation, if you will, to release and suspend normal cares to engage in something different and new. It's a transformation of mind, perhaps enhanced by a transformation or relocation of body.

And so, too, a retreat, an excursion somewhere else, presents an opportunity to displace and surrender the cares of work and life, to withdraw; pull back or move away. And although it takes time to deprogram as you retreat, the expectation of reentry seems somewhat merciless. Hopefully the beauty, insight, and refreshment of the retreat dwells much deeper within one's soul and spirit to anchor and protect in intersections with life's harsher realities. Perhaps it's living out "thy word i will hide in my heart that I may not [grieve] thee."

In any case, other tasks and activities clamor for attention. And so the retreat ends. May God's mercy and grace sustain us all.

pix credit: Hildred, Ocean Shores 0803

brrr, grrr and whrr

For those of us in W Michigan, u'll likely concur that it's been colder than normal. We're experiencing November skies, rain, and temps throughout October. I wouldn't normally talk about the weather, really, but October in Michigan is typically one of my favorite months. I've been reminding God with some frequency that we didn't really need November to come early. (Yes, I'm thinking God tends to humor me when I get into the "hey, just tho't I'd remind you..." type of speech.)

In the category of my subject line, here's the deal. On the way to dinner last night, I was delighted to discover a Culver's!! I've never really consumed Culver's food (butter burger? is that another way to say artery-blocking invitation??) but I ADORE their blackberry shakes. Mmmm. So since I was driving :-) we did make a stop at the Culver's drive thru on the way back to my very house. This was all happy, until I heard this little whrrr sound. Back in the depths of my brain, I recalled that noise. And then it clicked, or rather fizzled. See, i remembered it b/c about a year ago I heard the very same noise...when my car window DID not make it's happy and secure trip to lock back into the top of the door (unlike this featured pix). Brrrrrr. A window opened in the summer is one thing, but in October that feels like November verging on December?? No. Not so very happy. Grrr.

So, in my not-even-slightly-technical-mind I hope to myself, maybe it's just too cold. A night of rest in my cozy garage will surely give the window courage to zip back into place. (Yes, please don't analyze the personification that I assign to my car.)

Within moments I arrive back at my cozy little house with my cozy little garage and realize, hmmm, odd, my garage door is open. And there again, this warning flashes somewhere in the depths of my brain. B/c I remember a season, several months ago, when I would shut my garage door but halfway down or so it would change direction and go back up. I remember sometimes I helped physically guide the door down. But last night, in pushing the button to shut it again, I saw this little (or not so little) cable slither off the track on the left side as the door completed the painfully familiar half descent and return to it's open resting position. Grrrr.

Remember my idea that my car window would perhaps "heal" by a cozy (warm) overnight stay in the garage? Not an offer. Obviously.

But I must report this sweet piece of grace. As I was heading to bed, I heard my garage door button. So I peeked out my little privacy/security peekhole on my door and watched my kind neighbor Bob as he attempted to shut my garage door. (He does this for me, especially in the summer if I forget to close my garage at night. He's sweet.) He actually used some big-ol sledge hammer thing to try to straighten the track on the right side thinking that something was blocking the door from closing properly. And this morning, when he and I talked and I showed him the rusted cable piece, he told me what time he planned to return from work and that he would help me fix it this afternoon if possible. Isn't that the greatest???

Now, if only I could find a helpful person to fix my drafty car window? Perhaps the technicians at Firestone will have to fit that bill. Brrr.

recreate and retreat

Things are out of control, that is, in my schedule. (oh yes, things are likely out of control other places, too. but humor me, please.) So for the first time in my blog history, i didn't post for a week. sad.

One of the crazy-good things this week was attending some teaching and experiences regarding healing prayer. Although I'm still processing what I observed and experienced, I saw miraculous things. Jesus healing people. Right very now, in front of my very eyes. We experience healing all the time, really, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A friend of mine recently expressed her utter disbelief in how her son's wrists were healing. (He had fallen out of a bunk bed and broken both wrists.) She explained how she didn't really want the casts to come off because the idea that God really made our body to heal was so amazing. And it is. God's creation and recreating power presses my rationale and forces me to receive His supernatural, reason-defying sovereignty.


To assist me in this, next week, when many are finishing costumes and planning some sort of halloween observance, I get to retreat in God's amazing creation. I'm thirsty for it. My soul longs for the healing power that dwelling in God's presence provides, especially in an extended retreat setting. And so I'm off...to retreat...from the "normal" routines of life. Hooray!

(Re)create in me a clean heart Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Pix credit: Hildred, Yosemite, 0606

beth!! and it depends on your perspective

Yesterday was Beth's birthday. She's one of my dearest friends. You likely love her if you know her. And definitely would love her if you don't. She's worth celebrating--for more than a day even. Since I often get amazing pictures from her, I don't often have an amazing picture of her. But, that pix I took in Scotland last year.
And I like it. So, please celebrate Beth with me! Oh, and I found another picture I like...still from Scotland, 0605.


As to perspective, my emotions yesterday were a bit out of whack. That is, out of whack for me. I realized not too long into the day that I was seething. Under the surface, but seething. I'm not really sure I know how to deal with anger. In fact, likely I just don't deal. At all. I repress. And deny. And pretend. And carry on. But then, something, likely inane and inconsequential will happen, even slightly irritating, and I overreact. Why? B/c I haven't dealt with the anger below the surface. That was yesterday. Until I went to my dentist. Enter, my really friendly hygeniest, Ellie. (And I really am not protecting her identity. I can't remember her name so Ellie sounds good to me.)

My anger was actually surfacing with Ellie, unbeknownst to her, b/c I had a tight schedule for my check up since I really wanted to be back at the office sharing lunch with my good friend Cindy. But someone else was chatting, for-what-felt-like-eternity-ever, at the check in desk. So they didn't see me. And I couldn't check in. Ellie, cheery-as-ever finally came to get me...and well, it wasn't her fault. But I was not feeling very social.

That is, until she told me about her day. And her could-have-been-really-fatal-hit by-a-drunk-driver likely-totalled-her-car, accident. And how she was getting around. And how she really didn't have anyone to call when the accident occurred. And how she's glad she's alive but she's really sore. And she was so looking forward to not having a car payment in a few months. And well, everything in my life seemed totally miniscule in comparison.

So, pray for Ellie, would you? She could use a reminder of God's love, grace and favor right about now. (And i will be working on the anger thing, too!)

grace

It just so happens that nothing is different in my life from last week at this time. Last week at this very moment, or nearly, I emailed people asking for prayer. Truth floated around my brain but the anchor seemed to be dragging. Faith flowed somewhere within my heart's arteries but seemed too faint to secure me. In response to my cry for help, people poured out faith, love, care and grace.

My Dad called to remind me that God had not abandoned me. (Thanks for reminding of me of all those Biblical promises, Dad!) My Mom encouraged me not to get ahead of God and wait on His timing and direction. (Practical and wise as always Mom, gracias!)

Friends emailed to say they were praying. Others offered nuggets of scripture. Some co-workers left notes on my chair or computer keyboard with their encouragement. I received a lovely note from a dear friend in the mail (even before I sent out my email, actually! How's that for discerning??)


Grace comes in a variety of packages. It is a gift. And God uses such experiences to anchor us to His love even when we feel abandoned in a storm. I'm so grateful. It's still stormy. And I might be tossed about again. But I know where to turn. Thank you Jesus for the richness of community and the blessing of your grace, regardless of circumstances and situations.

Photo credits: #1 & 3, yours truly, somewhere in Scotland, 0605. #2, Hildred, Christmas 1204.

triplets

For all you pc lovers, this may not be a post you'll enjoy. But for mac lovers everywhere, read on. This weekend marked a most significant, auspicious occasion. This is the weekend that my lil computer met her brothers. (okay, is that quite ridiculous to one, decide that my computer could possibly be a male or female AND then decide that a computer might have siblings?) Well, who cares, just check out these pictures and you decide. By the way, the "family" is my cute white one, silver, the eldest, and the younger brother, the black one.

Even beyond meeting "siblings," I got some tips about even more splendid things that my lil computer can do. For instance, it has features called dashboard and expose. And you can set preferences on hot corners as to what applications or programs you want the corners to activitate. And yes, it's true, i can't even slightly tech speak. but if you were here right very now, I could show you how amazing this little machine really is.

And you know you're curious and interested. It's the same reason you love the mac/pc television commercials. You know you do. You know you laugh and wonder "have I seen this commerical?" and even call out to your (spouse? roommate? friend?) "hey, it's a new mac commercial. Come look..." or if you're really entertainment starved, you might even go to the website to download the latest commerical. Anyway, this computer is such a gift and it's entirely, completely fabulous.
You really should try one.

rushing

Driving makes me rush. I don't know any other speed when i drive. Okay, you're right, I choose to rush. And sometimes, given wanting to make a time commitment, it seems rather acceptable and completely necessary. But even when i'm beyond on time (in other words early), I still rush.


And truthfully, it's not just the speed. I actually feel competitive with other drivers. (Have i blogged this before??) I'm that driver who speeds to pass the cars in the slow lane, but at the end of the day, I'm sitting at the red light beside the people I've just hurried to "overtake."

Hmmm, I'm thinking that this competitive, rushing behavior contributes to my "unwell" blood pressure readings. So, I'm identifying, for whatever it's worth...I'm a rusher. Sorry if you're the driver I'm racing beside...

pix credit: Beth, en route to Skye, Scotland 0705

decision making

here's the conversation: you've received communication that your job will likely change within the next two months. You won't be out of a job, but your job description will change dramatically, AND the possibility of relocation to another city and state is highly probable. The reality of a mortgage and other responsibilities looms. Do you wait out the process or look for another job? Do you consider dipping into retirement or other savings to stay afloat and trust God will provide some work at some point?

Or another scenario: you have a family of five. You finished a masters level degree but in anticipation, a year prior to graduation, you purchased your first home. With completing school, you and your spouse assume your next job will reflect the advanced degree and support the house payment and care for your family. However, over a year later, the better paying job has not surfaced despite vigorous job searches. And the bottom line is, you are living beyond your means.

What do we base decisions on? Do you stay in an area because God has provided and developed community there? And because family and other support systems exist there? If we know God as a provider, yet know His promises don't dictate a name it or claim it theology, what really matters? If our chief responsibility is to glorify God and worship Him forever, does it matter that we're establishing equity? Is it really necessary to invest the suggested amount for retirement? How do we discern God's heart in these scenarios?

Pix credit: Hildred, Pike Place Market, Seattle 0805 (And, not that u asked, I think this is one of the coolest pictures ever. And it really doesn't have much to do with this post, except it's intriguing to look at, and I'm desperate for some distraction.)

a moment in someone else's life

There are moments that serve amazingly well. In my experience, those moments often come when things in my life seem particularly ambiguous and additionally anxious. And those moments can best be described as lovely distractions.

Here's what I'm talking about: For the last 24, i've vacated my typical weekend activity to hang out with one of my best and dearest friends. And since she has four kids, two dogs, plus other farm animals and lives way outside the city, it's definitely a different life than mine.

What's curious to both of us is that when we roomed and worked together in college, our lives were extremely similar. We even shared a major and thus also shared multiple classes (which, as aside, was an incredible bonus on those rare occasions when one of us was unable to make that 8 o'clock class).

Now, several years later, our lives appear nearly completely different. And yet, the depth of our friendship and previous shared life anchors and supports our current relationship and regretably sometimes too infrequent interactions.

I must confess, running with her kids, walking in the woods with her dogs, observing her negotiate sincere sibling squabbles (and sometimes dabbling in the negotiations myself), performing vigorous "underduck" pushes on the swingset, encouraging middle school leaders on a zip line, and experiencing intense college football team rivalries while watching tv, among other things, transports me from my life's concerns in a way that nothing else can.

Sometimes the moment is simply the grace to inhale someone else's air for a time. And that refreshes my soul.

waiting

something about traveling reminds me about how much time the average person spends waiting. Waiting for a ride to the airport, or the shuttle to deliver us to the terminal. Waiitng to see if our luggage and our person clears the latest safety standards.

(Personally this week, I was grateful to get by with TWO quart sized plastic bags with liquids, gels, lotions, etc. even though the standards clearly declare we can only travel with ONE. Technically the TSA safety guy determined my saline solution was empty. but he doesn't know i squeeze out every possible drop from those bottles. Silly man.) Where was I? Oh yeah, waiting...

Waiting for a standby confirmation. Waiting to board the plane. Waiting for other travelers to store their luggage so we can walk by and wait for who will sit next to us. Waiting for clearance to take off. Waiting for the door to open upon arrival. Waiting for our turn to pile out of the plane. Waiting for luggage. Waiting for the rental car or nice person who will pick us up from the airport...well, you know the drill.

here's the thing though, with all that practice, don't u think I should be really good at waiting????

photo credit: Beth, Scotland, 0705

time keeps on ticking

so yesterday was my very birthday. yep, i was born the day after my dad, so naturally I'm his favorite, (RIght, Dad?) And I love parties...but I didn't have much energy to plan.

No worries. People just came and hung out.
I love that. I love the gift of people's company. (Okay, technically, that picture was taken when we went camping a few weeks ago, and there were actually MORE fun people at my house last night. But, this gives you some idea.) Mostly I love it b/c most of my friends live WAY across town and so visiting my house means they drive a few miles. And we could share life together for a few hours. And eat delicious food (like homemade salsa, and brownies, and watermelon, and pita chips with pesto, and broccoli salad). And share fun stories. And entertain kids, er, okay, well, be entertained by them.

Somehow, all the above helps me feel like I'm not getting so old afterall...well, at least for one evening. :-)

my dad!!

Today is important. In fact, today is vital to my very existence. Here's why: it's my Dad's birthday!!!
Happy Birthday Dad!!! I celebrate him on this the anniverary of his very birth. I'm so glad he loved Jesus so much and wanted all of us to love Him too. I'm so glad he loves Mom well and models love for his wife and love for our family! I'm so glad God choose him to be my dad.
I love the way my Dad loves people and enjoys sharing laughter with people as he gets to know them. And although I don't always agree with everything he thinks, I do appreciate that he has firm opinions and enjoys sharing them. I like how Dad loves kids and is so patient with playing with them.

I like that he reads the Dutch newspaper on the internet and keeps up with football (soccer) around the world.
There are many other things I could say, but the truth is, I don't know if my Dad will ever read my blog. Thus, I'll have to phone in the rest of my thoughts. Happy Birthday anyway Dad!!

Katrina Joanne and Georgia Grace

Just last Thanksgiving, these two glorious girls were dressing up at their house in Fargo.

By far the most beautiful girls in the world, as anyone in my family will agree, Kate and Georgia were born on this very day.
Kate born eight!! years ago,
and Georgia born five!!! years ago.



I cannae believe it.
They are delightful. They never cease to amaze me with their curiousity and their care. Here they display their imagination and their dancing ability taken in my very living room last summer. (Dancing with the Stars, Kate's favorite show, watch out!!!)

Oh yes, sometimes they display human qualities like selfishness or inconsideration. but it's so rare. i mostly forget (well, yes, that and the fact that they live in faraway Fargo).
(And aren't they cute making these silly faces alongside their cousin Nate?)
So, Happy Birthday dear nieces. You represent grace and hope and joy in this world.

Pix credit: Hildred. She captures them well!

unwell

someone, the elusive they, sponsored wellness day at work today. [okay, not so elusive, it was our personnel department (elusive they sounds much more mysterious and intriguing.)]
Participation strongly encouraged, I signed up for the 10 minute procedure which tests blood (a tiny finger prick) for cholesterol, diabetes (glucose level), blood pressure, and other such things.
True confessions: I think I'm healthy. I gave blood three weeks ago and tested some of the above. My cholesterol has previously been low and good. I wasn't worried. I wasn't nervous.
Perhaps I was overly confident?
The test results determine: I'm unwell. (Clearly people could argue they've known this about me for years. Please resist. I'm feeling a bit fragile.)

(Warning: the next paragraph may be really boring and force one to read the word cholesterol repeatedly.) That is to say, my total cholesterol is low, but my good cholesterol is not high enough, and so my total cholesterol ratio is nearly dangerous.
My blood pressure, which two weeks ago was plenty low, and normally tests good and low, registered just above the desired number, which in essence designates me in a risk zone.

Clearly unwell!
My heart rate elevates dangerously as I type this.

The nurse asked me if I was nervous to be tested. (I think, "not even slightly, b/c i'm so healthy.") She asked if perhaps some of this is genetic. She asked if I ate good foods and exercised.

Unwell.

I don't like the label or implication or judgment.

So, I pursue the timeless, faithful remedy, I reach for a dark dove chocolate, read the dove promise (which reads "don't think about it too much"), and savor every satisfying taste.

Unwell. Hmmmph!

reflection

"So our salvation lies
not in an escape from this world
but in the
transformation of this world.

Everything good and true and beautiful in history is not lost forever
but will be restored and directed to the
worship of God.
All our human activity (in the arts and sciences, economics and politics)
and even the nonhuman creation
will be brought to share in the liberating rule of God [Romans 8:18-21]...

You will not find hope for the world in any religious systems or philosophies of humankind.
The biblical vision is unique.

That is why when some say
that there is salvation in other faiths I ask them,
'WHAT salvation are you talking about?'

No faith holds out a promise of eternal salvation for the WORLD
the way the cross and resurrection of Jesus do."

-Vinoth Ramachandra, "The Scandal of Jesus"

Not much else I can add to that except Amen.
Thank you for your incredible grace to us and to your world Lord!

photo credit: Hildred, ocean shores washington, 0803.

completely contradictory

"We often overuse electronic gadgets for the same reason we spend innumerable hours shopping.
We do not want to be left alone with our thoughts...

We need to rediscover silence.

Says 14th century Christian mystic Meister Eckhart,
'nothing in all creation is so like God as silence.'

To rediscover silence, is to rediscover God."

-Diana Bulter Bass in Christian Century, 091906

Ironically, these words captivated me en route to New York City. Since reading them, however, no decibels of silence managed to penetrate my day. From animated cell phone conversations overheard on the subway to construction crews exchanging colorful words on the sidewalk, and much, much more, this city has much on offer, but silence does not top the "what did you do in nyc this week" list. I'm pretty confident I could claim that silence isn't even available here. Or at least, not in the neighborhoods I visited.

With that observed, I don't know if my soul could take living in a city of this magnitude. But for the raging extrovert in me, it's amazing how much this noise and activity draws me. How do I explain that contradiction?


photo credit: first-me, china, second-hildred, yosemite waterfall rocks. Do u see my "wee" nephew there midst the massive rocks?

conversing over cars

Several years ago, before i moved to where i currently live and purchased my home, i remember praying and thinking about who my neighbors might be. At the time of those prayers, my zeeland dwelling, a rental, was housed in a great neighborhood, with very interesting characters. (In fact, i recalled recently how when i was unpacking my boxes to move into my cute lil zeeland house, a neighbor came over to introduce himself and see if he could help in any way. when i peered over a box to "make his acquaintance" i realized we'd already met. b/c we had dated in what seemed like a previous life. random! but i digress...)

Currently, i don't see my neighbors much, but when I do, it's often in our garage (four separate doors but shared space inside). Either over the cars, or at our "inside" doors, my neighbors reveal details about their lives, some seemingly significant ("my daughter moved out this weekend and is getting a divorce..."), and other things simply informative ("we'll be out of town the next few days visiting...").

In a recent garage chat, one neighbor disclosed both financial anxieties and grave health concerns with her parents. These are heavy burdens. And so I asked, "can i pray with you about these things right now?" And we did. And now I'm waiting (and likely she is, too) to see and hear how God is moving in response to those prayers.

In the midst of that, however, i wonder, does prayer "work" the same? do I pray to God my provider with the same expectation for my neighbor as I hold for myself and for others who profess Jesus as Lord and believe in the promises of scripture? Hmmm.

Regardless, I'm curious how God has moved. Perhaps it's time for another carside conversation...


pix credit: i actually took this photo of Gillian, our wee Scottish pal, in our rental car last summer, on our way to the island of Skye, Scotland. Not quite a garage photo, but it's the best car photo I could find on short notice.

identity check

A favorite poet/artist of mine once wrote,
"when I consider the heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him?
the son of man that you care for him?"

or as Eugene Peterson expresses it:
"I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?"

Last night I listened to another version, from the band Casting Crowns:

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

-Casting Crowns

Those are a ton of words to breathe in, contemplate, and consider, much less to live. But worth pursuing and believing. Thank you for your grace, Abba. It is undoing.

(photo credit: Hildred, Ocean Shores, Washington, 0803)

the "whole" truth and nothing but the truth??

I've got truth telling on my mind. That's not to say I want to tell the truth, necessarily. Weeks ago I confessed to my friend Julia that one of the things I struggle with in attempting to live into my identity as a Christ follower is that I'm a deceiver. It was a campfire chat, actually. And although she and I haven't talked much since then, I'm assuming that my transparency is not enough to disgard a friendship.

This weekend, around a different campfire, with other friends, we broached the subject again. In what ways do we stretch the truth (a little exaggeration helps a story dontchathink)? Are there occasions to omit facts or avoid direct answers so as to not "really" lie, but not really tell the whole truth either?

And then there's a test of any relationship, do you risk rejection and/or a separation or worse a conclusion of a friendship by addressing something in a friend? Is there an openness to face a friend who attempts to speak the truth in love but may be identifying something in your heart and/or actions that might cause you to feel defensive, or worse? Would our relationships be better served, and would we better resemble Christ if we held a posture toward our friends which might invite such conversations? And how would we communicate such a posture?

I remember the first time that someone confronted me about being sarcastic. My initial reaction wasn't stellar. I quickly assessed this person was obviously not able to handle a joke or two and that their overall humor quotient might be seriously challenged. But, as the holy spirit worked on my heart, I concluded that this person wasn't motivated to hurt me. And likely to just dismiss their lack of appreciation for humor didn't do justice either. So why would a person be so bold as to confront this in my life? Clearly the motivation was love. They knew I could do better. They viewed me as a representative of Christ and that Christ could be better seen in my life. Wow. My respect for this friend, and for their willingness to risk definitely changed my perspective. I'm still sarcastic, unfortunately. (Isn't it some type of spiritual gift?? Or something?) But I try to live into my identity more. I definitely want to be more like Christ.

Campfire chats do provoke interesting conversation. And although we didn't necessarily identify all the roots of why we might lie, or uncover why we might not fully offer information, we did, in my opinion, spur each other on toward love and good deeds. It's a piece of grace in the journey.

Are we crazy? Camping again!

It's true. After living to tell the tale of 10 inches in five hours, we're headed camping again. To the same place. This weekend. Hopefully we won't be singing "the foolish man built his house upon the sand..." and adding this verse, "and camped in the same campground two weeks after the flood..." for several hours cramped together in one tent. (Check out Beth's recent recollection of our previous experience. It's great.)But if it does rain, well, I truly like these people. I delight in spending time with them. We'll survive. And we'll dry. The promise of getting away from it all is too lovely and too lulling to not risk the elements.

So tune in next week for all the reports... :-)

Grace and peace to you this weekend!

(Pix credit: Julia, church camping weekend, 081906)

sometimes someone else just believes it

Do you ever experience pangs of doubt such that you wonder if God cares and if what you're doing bears any significance in His kingdom at all? It's been a "hey God, I have this question about what u're doing..." couple of days for me. It's crazy, really, that I have the audacity and arrogance to question Him about things in my life and in the lives around me. But doesn't He invite such relationship and conversation? Isn't that a piece of what friendship with God is all about?

Today I had this amazing conversation. It was work related and it was on the topic of spiritual formation. I was looking forward to the interaction with this person over lunch. But the conversation surprised me. It was less about work and more about "what is God teaching you about the work and power of the Holy Spirit?" Another super cool and completely uncanny thing I love about God is how He connects dots. (hmm, yes, perhaps they're always connected, but I just don't have eyes to see the connection, or something...) Several of the things I've been asking God this person also asked of God. Answers to questions received by someone else holds faith in balance for me. Perhaps you might relate, if you ever doubt something, and someone else experiences something that addresses that doubt, even if you don't receive a direct personal answer, just knowing someone else believes it (and often has lived through it), the journey feels richer and more hopeful. That's the grace of the day for me. Still questioning. But holding on to faith of another.

And just one more praise, did anyone notice incredible clouds today? Like seriously forming, storming, dissolving, brooding, whimsical, playful, amazing kinds of formations and clouds? At least here in Michigan? God, u're really good!! Thanks.

(Photo credit: Beth, Scotland trip 2005)

Virtual and Eternal

Communication tends to fascinate and frustrate me. It was one of my majors in college. However, the developments in the medium since graduation date me more than i care to admit. Verbal and non verbal cues, sharing a common language or attempting to communicate with signs and gestures, all demands attention and provokes the possibility of delight and sometimes frustration. My friend Karen just completed training in sign language (I know there's more official language, my apologies) which is an artform on its own. Accompanying my fascination with communication, I'm also keenly gifted in miscommunicating. In email exchanges alone, what I perceive as perfectly clear can be "read" as completely different than my intent. It's often cause for regret and retracing steps. Ugh.

Communicating with a friend yesterday, we discussed how virtual conversations can be more real and perhaps even more transparent than face to face encounters. So, in the spirit of that observation, I tho’t I’d post this entry in my blog. ☺ I wondered if the consideration of words and composing of thoughts via email or other virtual places allows for editing and deleting, and perhaps generally better communication. But does that come at the expense of less significant face to face discussions? Do we resort to discussions about weather, television plotlines, and perhaps (if we're bold) political positions and forfeit depth or even transparent cries regarding basic needs or longings in our hearts and lives? Do we hide the real joys and pains of life we’ve reflected on in a safer, perhaps less threatening environment such as email or by blogging? Is it less real to post something in a blog? Do our face to face daily conversations suffer as a result? Or do we simply not have the time in our frantic schedules to go deep in face to face settings? No answers...just musing aloud, er, online.

In the category of eternal, I'm so thankful to honor my grandmother today. Three years ago we buried her, just before her 99th birthday. Thus if she were still alive, we’d celebrate her 102nd birthday today. [The picture (credit Hildred, again) is our nieces at Grandpa and Grandma's tombstone in South Dakota.] But I celebrate her life. She impacted lives beyond her life. I miss her lively brown eyes...and much more!! Miss u Grandma. Love thinking of you and Jesus and Grandpa together.

right responses?

Does something ever happen within your life experience that catches you completely off guard such that u don't even know how to respond? i'm not talking random weird things. I'm recalling a family vacation in bend, oregon where a few of us went horseback riding along the river, with a trained guide, and were ambushed by a "flasher" waiting to reveal all from his perch on the cliff above the river bank. There's no "right response" to something so shockingly sick and wrong. And I'm not talking about when a person cuts you off in traffic or that sweet looking lil ole lady "steals" your this-must-be-meant-for-me-close-to-the-door parking spot.

I'm talking about the "wow! i didn't see this coming" type of occurence where you react in emotion and not reason. That's the "right" response thing I'm thinking about. It's that sense that as a Christ follower, and an image bearer of Christ, I should react in a certain way. But what spills out, or at very least fills your mind, is something altogether not righteous, and as far from 'turn the other cheek' as you can imagine.
Yeah, me neither. i have no idea what i'm talking about. clearly that never happens in this life.

but, for the sake of humoring me (it's my blog after all), let's say it does happen. let's say we don't respond rightly. how do we overcome that? or is it really okay to show honest emotion? i guess what i'm wondering in my rather obtuse, likely too ambiguous way is whether it's truly okay to vent, or to complain, or to be angry about a situation or circumstance? I ask in part b/c i look at some of the writing of a guy I respect named Paul and he plainly and firmly says, "don't let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen." So, in the category of being not only hearers of the word, but doers of the word, how do we live that out??

Perhaps my problem is that I want the "right" or correct response. And God's been reminding me pretty consistently that it's really okay to "give up the right to be right" and to trust Him for the whole surrender piece. Or perhaps it's just that I don't really want to be fully obedient to the word? Or it's a matter of not trusting God enough? I might not have the proper diagnosis. I know this, though, it's a journey. And i'm leaning into some other words Paul said, 'He who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion in the day of Christ Jesus." Ah. There's some hope and some grace. Hallelujah.