09 November 2007

manipulation

Once, a long, long, long time ago, when I was a wee girl, I wanted a Barbie doll for Christmas. (Family, if u're reading this story, feel free to correct or interject, as we know I don't always retain details accurately.)

Now the truth is, I had a skipper doll. Skipper was great. Earlier in life, I had traded the "head" of my Skipper doll with my friend Christine who also had a skipper doll. (Her Skipper was prettier, and since you could remove and reattach the head, I'm sure this exchange involved some manipulation as well.) But Skipper was not a grown up Barbie. Advertising described her as Barbie's younger sister. Obviously that hit too close to home for me. I even recall that Skipper was a hand-me-down doll from my older sister, which of course added a wee bit of insult to injury. No, my life was destined for a real Barbie doll. That's what I felt I needed (certainly it was what I wanted).
So I schemed.
I hid my Skipper under the guise of losing her completely.
I likely hinted, commented, and all-and-out begged for a Barbie doll.
And to my complete delight (but not surprise) I received a Barbie doll for Christmas.

When it seemed appropriate, perhaps a few days or weeks later, I "found" my Skipper doll. What an amazing discovery. Now not only did I have a new Barbie, I had two dolls. Things worked out pretty well.

I'm not necessarily proud of those tactics, even though I'm describing them here. For whatever reason, this scenario surfaced today.

I wondered how that finds its way in to my relationship with God. Not that I can hide something so much from God, or even that God doesn't know what is on my heart or what I think I want.
But do I so strive, manipulate, or scheme in my heart and spirit for something that God "gives in?" Do I think I've "tricked" God? Do I overlook a good thing, (such as Skipper, sob), thinking that I want or need something else, when really what I have is sufficient? Do I really have a clue what I need because I'm completely blinded by what I want?

In the scope of life, actually, with all that goes on in our hearts, minds, spirits, and lives, it may seem more attractive to return to the world of make believe, dress up, imagination, and Barbie dolls.

But that's not the way it's supposed to be...

3 comments:

beth said...

hmmmmm...I can totally relate! We should catch up soon :)

hildred said...

i had NO idea! you could of had my barbie - i never/rarely played with her ... although, if i'm really honest i may have said "no" just because she was mine ... hmmmmmm

Gracie said...

Yeah, well, here's the truth about that, if I recall correctly, your Barbie had dark hair. I wanted a blonde barbie. (Note the Skipper "head" i traded to Christine also had dark hair so that I could have her blonde headed Skipper.) This is scary. Don't even start analyzing that one...or at least wait 'til we're together on the road.