26 October 2007

perspective

So last week at this time I was awaiting news on my Dad's surgery. We knew they were removing the mass from his colon. And we knew they'd send the mass off to pathology (or whatever they do to determine if it is cancer or not). The news that he came through surgery well was a good word.
And when we learned he would be leaving the hospital after a few days, we rejoiced.

But the waiting on the pathology report weighed on my heart and spirit.

I joked with my Mom that on television, the path reports seem to return in minutes...but then, this is reality!

When my Dad phoned on Wednesday afternoon, I was not expecting news. But in his emotion ladened voice he whispered, "He did the one percent!! No cancer."

The moment will remain in my memory forever.

When we first heard the news of the mass, I believed and prayed that God would heal it.
When the original biopsy returned benign I believed God for the miracle. When the medical staff decided the sample wasn't good enough, I still believed God would heal my Dad.

But when he came out of surgery and they reported the mass was larger than they anticipated, I expected cancer. I resigned myself to the next step of chemo or some type of radiation therapy. (Is that really therapeutic?)

I'm not sure what turned in my heart and spirit. But I stopped believing in the miracle.

Yet, I believe it now.
And the idea of it buckles my knees and brings me down.
Many miracles occur, perhaps more than we even acknowledge or realize.

But it seems so random. People die in disasters. People die giving birth. Horrible accidents take lives. It doesn't make sense how God dispenses mercy, or miracles.

Maybe I hold too much stock in this life. Maybe remaining here on earth is not really all that and more...but it's what we know. And it feels like an incredible gift. One that I could not begin to earn or deserve.

A week's time completely changes my perspective. I hope gratitude lingers for a lifetime.

1 comment:

MITZI said...

Thanking God that your Dad is fine, and praising HIM that He is unchanging and always in control and always good, no matter what. Yes, I do believe in miracles but I'm also always praying "Lord, help my unbelief!"