23 September 2007

Pushing past fear...or perhaps not

i'm feeling fragile. We've been waiting to hear word about my Dad's health. He has not been himself lately. While home for my nephew's wedding in August it seemed Dad had aged years since he and Mom stayed at my house in May.

As I shared my concern with people here, wise folks noted the unexpected stresses in his life. For instance, my nephew had a major accident ten days before his wedding. Dad drove the entourage that journeyed to Montana to bring my nephew home. Associated with that, recovery happened at my parents so people frequented their home to visit my nephew. And there's all of us who came home for the wedding. That and well, Dad's age factors in. Perhaps he wasn't bouncing back as quickly due to his age, people surmised.
These were good words. I was and remain grateful for them. Still, my Dad's doctor was testing his heart, among other things to determine the cause of his low energy and other symptoms.

Thursday I was relieved to hear they discovered Dad is anemic--in fact dangerously so. They were surprised he was functioning at all. It explains the low energy and his pale coloring. He has received a blood transfusion and over the last two days that's included 5 units of blood.
They also investigated the cause of this low iron. And in that journey, they discovered a mass in his colon. So much is unknown, truly, but I confess, I'm nervous. And so I'm praying in faith and hope and trust. I know my heavenly Father is able to handle my Dad. I know His strength is available in our weakness. And I know He heals. So really, there's nothing to worry about.

So why can't I shake off this nagging fear?

5 comments:

Jewels said...

Diana,
I'll keep you & your Dad in my prayers, for sure.

cindy said...

i had no idea friend! we need to catch up. remember that fear is not of God. praying you through...

deep down joy said...

I'm going to use your page for some expressions of my own, Di - I so appreciate your postings here. I think I want to find all kinds of excuses/reasons/denial for Dad not to have cancer. 'He has anemia: he has a history of anemia, since his iron levels haven't been checked for over a year it's possible that he's gradually been getting lower and lower because he hasn't taken iron and he hasn't been monitored for that...' 'He has a growth in his colon: his stool sample tested negative for blood so it can't be bad as far as that's concerned, the doctor said the growth hasn't spread so it sounds like just a single mass and not something so invasive...' I could go on with explanations that deny the seriousness of Dad's condition, but then I move on to anger: at myself for not being more proactive and calling the doctor to follow up regarding tests and treatments that I questioned, at the doctor for not following up with iron checks, at the hospital in SD who didn't catch any abnormalities when he had a colonoscopy there five years ago...'. Then my wise father speaks: "All of this is in God's plan, and He only wants the best for His children." We are praying that, as Diana emailed, the mass in Dad's body is in the one percent non-cancerous category; that the surgery goes well and doesn't end up causing him the trouble that his gall bladder removal caused him; that he is able to do what he loves to do - serve everyone he comes into contact with.

Gracie said...

Thanks friends.

As for you, Joy, I can definitely follow the road u're traveling as u outline it here.
I appreciate Dad's wisdom and hope that it too gives you peace.
As with so much else, this is not catching God off guard.
You do sooo much. Please don't burden yourself with blame. You're good, as my friend Bill says.

deep down joy said...

So...mom and dad went for a 'race' today, which dad has been threatening to do sincejust after he got just the first two units of blood on Friday morning. I asked how he did and he said he made it up the hill just fine. I asked if that's what he anticipated doing, and he said he didn't really. I asked him how that felt and he said well it made me feel great of course! Thank you God!