11 January 2009

things we see differently

So the other night B and I were talking and the conversation went a bit like this:
Me: "B, so you know how different we are?"
B: hesitating, wondering what direction I'm going with this..."you mean, different like..."
Me: knowing he needed me to bail him out, "I mean in the way we think and process information and sometimes how we relate to people..."
B: "oh," very obviously relieved, "yes, that way..."
Me: "well, I was wondering if I could share some of YOUR life with some of "my" people."

He knew what I was talking about, of course.
Our conversation continued because what he is going through presently, is something I have gone through. And so, part of my motivation and heart, was to communicate, "B, I long for you to have the support and love that I experienced."
And he agreed.
He expressed that even though we ARE so very different, he would be willing to be a bit more, let's say, vulnerable, for lack of a better word, and open himself up to a broader community for his current circumstance.

How is THAT for vague and how is THAT for expectation?

Let me fill in the detail.
December 30 Barkley's bosses did his review and said,
"we're not going to beat around the bush. Numbers don't warrant as many people as we have in your office. We're going to let you go."
That's it.
No discussion.

And so, without any delay, Barkley joined the many many many unemployed folks in the area. It's not necessarily a group one wants to join. But there it is.

In fact, it is brutal and terrifying.
Life is so not within our control.

And God says, "find your rest in me. Trust me."

B has responsibilities and commitments in the area that he really can't relocate. And so that in some ways, that narrows down the search for a job which is helpful.
It also fuels the fear.

Again, God says one thing. Our hearts sometimes surface something else.

Would you, as God leads, please talk to God about this for B?

oh, in other news, I'm in Philadelphia for my class. My online Master's program has a once a year face-to-face requirement where we sit at the feet of really fabulous teachers and speakers. That is a bonus. AND we get to see our dear classmates who we interact with "in the box" from week to week. It is a great and exhausting 10 days.

Oh, AND, it's my last one. Even though I have one year left of school, this is my last J-term (January intensive seminar). And so, even though I'm happy to be here, I'm also realizing that this may be the very last time I see some of my classmates (especially the one in Tanzania, Honduras, England, etc.). It's the reality of the seasons of our lives but it's still hard.
Happy. Sad.
Becoming acquainted. Letting go.
Sharing life deeply, daily will transfer to perhaps facebook interactions with occasional Christmas card greetings. (I'm grateful for the electronic connection, don't get me wrong. But it's not the same...)

So is the journey.

Thanks for walking with me.


Sabrina said...

I will be praying for B. I know that it is a very scary thing... So tell B to hang in there and after seeing Benjamin Button this weekend my new favorite saying is:
"You never know what is coming for you".


Anonymous said...

i am sorry, barkley. that SUCKS. I am sorry. I know you will pull through, but I am sorry for the moment you are in presently. I will pray.

Rachel said...

Thank you, B, for allowing us to be a part of your life and for giving us the privilege to join you in prayer. I look forward to meeting you someday and to hearing what the next step is for you!

Lynn said...

As Karla said - it does suck. I remember well when Dave was told his teaching job was ended. That was at a hard time to find teaching jobs (over 30 years ago)and it ended that career. Now his work as a painting contractor is very slow as well. It is sometimes hard to know how to pray. Does God have something else that he is leading us to? Just know that we pray for God's leading and many blessings for B. Thanks for sharing.


Cindy said...

praying with and for you and b.

Betty said...

So often it takes pain and loss for us to become vulnerable, doesn't it? My prayers are with you and B both. The Lord will provide.

Gracie said...

thanks, friends. You are so life-giving!!